Saturday, 1 February 2014

What no one tells you about living with your boyfriend

living with your boyfriend

Most of us have lived with men before. We've shared living space with our dads, brothers, sisters who act like boys, and housemates. We think we are more than prepared for the launch into domesticity, and although it has it's perks we are ready to admit that the men in our lives somehow get us so riled up we can feel ulcers forming. These are the things I have learned along the way so enjoy, gentle readers.

Following cooking instructions
This is my favourite story but I will condense it for the sake of word count. Rhys tried to make enchiladas. Instead of rolling them and putting them in the oven, he made the equivalent of a Mexican lasagna. I just think he likes to play with tortilla wraps to see what happens. No me gusta.

Socks are the enemy
new girl, gif
They're under the bed, around the bed, and there are growths of black sock fluff clinging to the cream carpet. After playing hide and seek you then end up with a washing machine full of them. I just hate socks.

Receipts and bits of paper
monica geller, friends
This is something I've seen with my dad, and thought I had narrowly escaped when I left home. Alas, pieces of paper seem to go on unknown adventures around our flat, and then he wonders where they are.

chandler bing, friends
Yes, they especially enjoy the foamy kind with bath bombs. There's no shame in it, as there's also no shame in using the pink bottle of Matey bubbles.

Towels and bathroom etiquette
new girl, schmidt, gif
Again, something I thought I had escaped by leaving home and the grim groundhog day of refolding towels. Like my dad, Rhys has to use every towel available to him because he must get a kick out of it or something. He then doesn't seem to grasp how one should fold a towel, and I'm left with the task of drying and refolding. I get my revenge after I've washed my hair though, as I malt like a golden retriever.

Jobs for girls and boys
despicable me, funny, gif
I take it upon myself to complete the more pedantic tasks such as polishing, sweeping and making the bed. If he even tries to make the bed it looks like a troll tried to do it with its feet, and I would rather avoid watching the struggle. I also keep the kitchen in order. All he has to do is mop the floors, hoover and take the bin out. It all sounds very straightforward until they keep "forgetting" to take the bin downstairs.

You won't always get your own way, and we all have to get a little grubby on occasion. Sometimes I like to leave the bin in for over a week (after asking him to take it out) then it's a mortifying experience for him when he actually attempts to remove the bin bag. That ought to each you, enjoy your bin juice.

mean girls, gif
This is coming from me, and that means something to anyone who has witnessed my uncensored fits of rage. As much as I appreciate the appropriate use of foul language, I draw a line somewhere. We ladies don't mind a bit of swearing if you are upset about work, or when you're trying to defrost the freezer with a butter knife- but we don't like being sworn at. Sometimes a bit of mothering is necessary to keep him walking among humans and not beasts. Chuck Bass wouldn't swear at us, that's for sure.

There is no where to hide
gossip girl, gif
When one of us is having a sulk, there is little room for us to go. This means I have to mediate and carefully select my arguments. Naturally, I pick the arguments I know I'm going to win, but sometimes there's no escaping a genuine all out row. Luckily, it hardly ever happens and we don't have the patience to hold on to things. Except for that day when I was on placement and didn't speak to him for 5 hours. Although I considered it a sufficient punishment (after all, I'm a treat), he was probably grateful for the peace and quiet.

Days off
Even though you live together, you will find you have less time with one another when faced with work and family scheduling. When I was still at my job, we used to have to battle to have a full day together as we both always worked weekends- it was grueling for both of us. It's vital for your relationship to spend a few hours unplugged from everything else, that includes your phone.

Despite the nitty gritty aggravations of it all, I can't think of any one else I've loved living with this much. I come home to somebody who encourages me to pursue what I love and who's there when I need to cry about my dog, or whimper about my bank account. It's all about tipping the scales until you see that you balance each other out. Welcome to our home.