Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Basic White Girl Tips

By now, everybody knows what the stereotype of the white girl means and many like to publicly shame these "white girls" on their chosen form of social media. It means loving anything pumpkin flavoured, tweeting #fall in October, and celebrating National Mean Girls Day. We are all white girls inside, because don't we all love a seasonal beverage? Most of us indulge in Starbucks frappuccinos, and we are all too familiar with the White Girl natural habitat known as Instagram. I talked to my favourite White Girl about the important things, and these little comments are pure nuggets of gold (except, rose gold, because that is what they like now). My "White Girl" of choice, is someone who is unapologetic about her stereotype.

This is A, demonstrating the perfect selfie.
White Girl on Twitter
"Someone will tell us to hashtag and we'll hashtag 20 times." - A
Twitter is the viable news source of every proud white girl. Its the way they connect to the world, stalk the Kardashians, and quote Mean Girls. They retweet Drake lyrics, and it makes them feel inclusive of a world where the line between stereotypes is blurred.

White Girl on Michael Kors watches
"It's my baby." - A

The Christmas gift that most girls lusted for this past holiday season. Our timelines were filled with filtered photos of their favourite new family member: the Michael Kors time piece. When I asked to take a photo of her watch, she looked afraid and told me to take it from her Instagram instead.

White Girl on Hunters and Ugg boots
"Uggs are clouds on your feet- they are though." - A

In a time not so long ago, Hunters were the farmers' and horse riders' footwear of choice, it has become a staple fashion item for all white girls since they became available in pink. Uggs are either the most loved or hated item of everyone's wardrobe. Stop trying to make Uggs not happen, it's not going to happen.

White Girl on snacking
"I eat Farley's rusks because I think baby food will help me look like a Victoria's Secret model." - A

The White Girl loves Victoria's Secret. More than that, she loves the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Instead of hating on the models, the White Girl worships them. She understands the concept of these traditionally beautiful women and what they mean to other modern females - she doesn't assume that because they are models that they are in any way intellectually challenged. She is encouraged by them, and more than anything she just wants to be their friend.

White Girl on STD's 
"My vagina's on fire, do you think it's an STD or just thrush?" - A

The White Girl worries about your average day to day problems such as a peculiar itch or a rash. Except, she doesn't really know what it is. That's what WebMD is for. Don't worry though, it was only thrush and it cleared up in 48 hours.

White Girl on Break-ups
"I went on Pinterest and searched for heartbreak quotes" - A

The White Girl, in times of emotional need, sometimes cannot put into words the genuine trauma she is feeling. She, like the rest of us, can't think clearly. Pinterest helps with that, and also teaches valuable life skills - like how to perfect the ever difficult eyebrow arch.

White Girl on the art of selfies
"I don't like to put my forehead in them." - A

This White Girl liked to point out that if you never see her head in any of her Instagram photos it is because she never reveals her forehead. She does enjoy a duck pout, though. High five for giving yourself cheekbones.
White Girl on education
"What is an encyclopedia, though?" - A

This White Girl is not anywhere near stupid, but common sense can be a daily struggle. It could be the age gap, but she doesn't understand the need for an encyclopedia when there is Wikipedia. If she gets famous, it's Wiki that will have a record of it. Fact, apparently.

White Girl on What Does The Fox Say?
"I don't even understand it." - A

Here, the White Girl echoes exactly what everybody else is thinking, but won't say because well, mainstreamers.

While some stereotypical white girls may indeed seem vapid, the majority are smart and honest women who are just unashamed of their habits. They know what they like, even if it is what everybody else seems to like. Sometimes, they're smarter than everyone else. There's that age old lesson of never judging a book by it's cover, even if it does wear chestnut coloured Ugg boots. It is honesty like this that makes them an endearing individual. This white girl, A, has in her possession the kindest heart and unrivalled observations on life. Protect The White Girl, it is becoming an endangered species - and it's the only one who will make you laugh. 

Note: When searching for an image for this post, A asked if we could Google her face so we could find catfish. She is ever the curious mind.