Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Oh hey, Roomie : Cohabitation Complaints 101

Image from my own Instagram.
Well it's happened, I am finally a grown up who has someone to unblock the drains and hang up my diploma on the wall. Three weeks ago I moved in with Rhys, and now my father can breathe that I have someone other than him to take care of me and do all the annoying jobs. Except it seems that I ended up hanging everything on the walls myself (including my diploma). All is not lost, however, as he does know how to work the washing machine and more importantly how to put things in it. So I had to hang up my photo frames, at least I didn't hammer my thumb and that is definite progress. This is adulthood in it's pure glorified form. Hallelujah.

So as joyous of an occasion as moving in is, it is also one where you don't have to pretend you don't annoy each other anymore. This brings me to this post, I love to complain and why would I stop doing such a delightful thing? Here are my favourite ways to annoy your boyfriend or girlfriend after moving in.

How to Annoy Each Other In a Shared Living Space

1. Play trailers for upcoming seasons of your favourite TV shows on full volume just as he's fallen asleep.
I've never had this done to me, but I assume it's annoying.

2. Leave clothes as a paper trail in case he gets lost in the morning.
I don't know why men do this, but they leave clothes around as if they can't find their way back to them. Seriously, what makes sense about leaving clothes on a kitchen chair? The chair can't wear them. Kitchens are for eating, not dressing.

3. Instead of my usual "Daaaaaad!" it is now "Rhyyyyys!"
Whenever I do something like break the fridge shelf, or can't turn off the radiator. Hopefully my voice will grate on him so much he will choose to change his name to something more appropriate, like Chuck Bass.

4. Teabags go in the bin or designated empty cup, not the sink.

5. Take his plate while he's still eating.
I assume this is also very annoying. I have dishes to do, and the time you're taking is annoying to those of us who inhale our cheese sandwiches.

6. Leave receipts on every empty and clean work space.
Just for the crack, maybe he just thinks I need reminding of how much money we just spent on that cheese grater.

7. You don't wear more than one pair of shoes at once, so why have they all come together for a family reunion on our living room floor?
The same goes for socks, why do they live under the bed?

8. Completely refuse to sort the bin out.
The way I see it, I am the domestic angel that keeps cutlery shiny and the cushions plumped. Old bread and black bananas are his job.

9. Complain about everything, for no reason.
This is one of my preferred ways to annoy him, and an inspired method of passing time.

10. Hair, everywhere.
I know my hair is long. But it is beautiful, you should save it and be grateful it has chosen to glue itself to your clothes. However, if you continue to shave without cleaning the sink, I will strangle you with my lovely locks.

Learning to live together is like anything new in life - tricky and time consuming, but there's no one else I'd rather annoy. No one else would buy me Glee on Blu Ray just because I made him breakfast. He's my favourite person to wind up. I'm sure he would say the same, and if not, at least we have a fancy cheese grater. One can't have everything in life.