Sunday, 25 August 2013

Give us a smile, love: lessons in how to annoy your bartender.

Image from my own Instagram
There is this generalised idea that bar staff are territorial, aggressive, and uninterested members of the hospitality industry. This is an accurate representation of your average bar worker, if you get us at the wrong time. The truth is, 11pm on a Saturday night with our arms loaded with stacks of glasses is not the ideal time to strike up a conversation about how our night is going. Also, if you act like an idiot at the bar, chances are you will be treated like one. You also need to be aware that if you're over the age of 20 and buy WKD Blue then we will mock you endlessly. Good to see you're hitting the hard stuff, amigo!

We work in an environment where the phrase "the customer is always right" is rarely reality. But we will give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you are in the right even if it makes us look stupid. Most of us have degrees so we are actually intelligent creatures, unlike your cretin buddies you've brought along with you. You also have no idea why we're not smiling. There are two responses; this is our working face, and most probably our natural expression now that people like you have ruined our weekends for us. The truth is, we would love to be nice to you, except you make it rather difficult. Our patience is thin so we ask that you tread carefully.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Pick me, but I won't work for free: The expectation of free content.

Image from my own Instagram
Why should you do something for free if you're good at it? But why shouldn't you if its all you want to do? Because you have bills to pay and a TV license fee you're currently pretending is non existent. There's also this thing called starvation you might want to avoid.

It is a common misconception and assumption that graduates are prepared to (and should do) anything for free, as long as it helps them in the long run. We buy into this with a peppy, pro active and somewhat whimsical attitude. It will look good to employers, we say. A year following my graduation, I can tell you that you should never do anything for free. During your studies, yes. But after you have your degree? No, you've done the hard work. Do it for yourself and blog or contribute because you want to, but don't let someone else gain from what you have done for nothing. Unless it's The New York Times, there's always an exception.

Oh hey, Roomie : Cohabitation Complaints 101

Image from my own Instagram.
Well it's happened, I am finally a grown up who has someone to unblock the drains and hang up my diploma on the wall. Three weeks ago I moved in with Rhys, and now my father can breathe that I have someone other than him to take care of me and do all the annoying jobs. Except it seems that I ended up hanging everything on the walls myself (including my diploma). All is not lost, however, as he does know how to work the washing machine and more importantly how to put things in it. So I had to hang up my photo frames, at least I didn't hammer my thumb and that is definite progress. This is adulthood in it's pure glorified form. Hallelujah.

So as joyous of an occasion as moving in is, it is also one where you don't have to pretend you don't annoy each other anymore. This brings me to this post, I love to complain and why would I stop doing such a delightful thing? Here are my favourite ways to annoy your boyfriend or girlfriend after moving in.

How to Annoy Each Other In a Shared Living Space

1. Play trailers for upcoming seasons of your favourite TV shows on full volume just as he's fallen asleep.
I've never had this done to me, but I assume it's annoying.

2. Leave clothes as a paper trail in case he gets lost in the morning.
I don't know why men do this, but they leave clothes around as if they can't find their way back to them. Seriously, what makes sense about leaving clothes on a kitchen chair? The chair can't wear them. Kitchens are for eating, not dressing.