Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Relationship Obstacle #1: You

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Yes, you. You're your own worst enemy. Hands up if you know this is true. Now that's out of the way, we can all have coordinating t-shirts. Mine will say 'Slightly neurotic but mostly okay'. I personally think it's charming.

It's true when people say you have to be comfortable alone before you can be comfortable with someone else. But even the comfiest people fight the most raging of insecurities, nobody wants to lose something that took so long to find.

The thing with life is, everybody has a story to tell. Every single person has known emotional suffering, and you're not excused from your behaviour because of it. We can blame the people who have marked us with doubt, or we can thank them for the lesson and avoid ever speaking to them, ever again. Personally, I choose a solid method and pretend that person doesn't exist until the grief is over.. That's a lie, I still pretend they don't exist, but I do acknowledge the pivotal bitter sweet lessons they taught me and the lessons I taught myself (which include how to do tequila shots without a reaction, just so you know).

So say you've been cheated on, you'll always be afraid of it happening again. But that isn't your current partner's issue, it's yours and until they give you a reason not to trust them there's no need to slap the relationship with an undeserving label of mistrust. You'll not only damage your relationship, but you'll weigh your partner down with the unwavering bitterness that you can't trust them because of someone else's mistake. Remember, that mistake is what led you to your current relationship status. Maybe your best friend ran off with the person you wanted, maybe you feel somebody else always gets what you deserve and keeps stealing your toys from the playground but maybe it's no one else's fault, just as it's not yours.

Even single people hit the self destruct button, some perfectly content in their single status but some serial dating to ease the discomfort of being alone and to fulfil the desire of being wanted. Needing companionship is not equal to weakness, it's basic nature. Everybody wants to think they're okay alone, and some people are - but there's no fault in someone for wanting to be wanted. It's also okay if you're completely empowered by being alone, and if you love to play the field- let your player flag fly and more power to you. This is for both camps out there, just don't miss out on your life while you're distracted by weeding your way through the bad choices, inappropriate and inadequate frogs and not so Prince Charmings of the world.

If you are in a relationship and if you are feeling sad, or lonely, or insecure. That's okay. Being fearless means staring your fear in the face and saying "Bow down, peasant. I'm in charge here." Just don't be so scared that you scare the other person. If you do lose it, you can fight for it or just leave it lost.

Only you can take the right path and it might lead you back to where you started. You might be your biggest relationship obstacle, but you're also the one person who can map your own path. Take it.

Side note: We all love fairy tales. There is no "Once Upon a Time.." just a "Here We Go Again." Be your own saviour, damsels in distress are so over.